On Belonging

I was talking to an out-of-town friend recently about whether she's enjoying life where she lives. She said it's been hard to feel like she fits in, that she yearns for community.

It got me thinking. Some things never change with us girls. I've determined that seventh grade lives on in all of us to one degree or another. Sure, we've moved beyond zippered Guess jeans and permed side-ponytails, but the issues are basically the same.

I've also determined that there's a difference between fitting in and belonging.

Fitting in connotes a blending in, a certain amount of conformity, being like those around you. Belonging is quite different. We belong to our families, for example, but we can be wildly different from our siblings or parents. We belong to all sorts of groups and sub-communities but it doesn't mean we're like everyone else there.

The truth is: We may not fit in where we belong.

And if given a choice between fitting in and belonging, I'll choose the latter.

But it hasn't always been that way...

Often wondering if I was something of a misfit, I've struggled to fit in. Sure, I could make friends and navigate social waters easily enough but on the inside, I felt misunderstood, different.

In the past I've overemphasized certain commonalities with others that are actually secondary at best. And when I couldn't find the common, I strived to be someone I wasn't and it always felt like work.

At 37, I'm learning a lot about how God made me, thanks to some divinely-appointed guidance along the way. I may never fit in but I don't feel weird or sad about it; I've made peace with different.

Another friend who recently moved is trying to make peace with location and I wonder how many of us are in that boat with her. For 8 years I've lived in this area. I'm sort of an urban girl at heart, yet I can see cows from my backyard and I drive by a few Confederate flags on my way to Wal-Mart.

Also? I'm not a football fan. At this point, 90% of my local readers will disown me. That's because the adjacent college town is known far and wide for football. The world stops spinning once the tailgates fold down in the fall. So you see, I've struggled to fit in here.

Oh the fretting and negotiating that's taken place between this fussy girl and her patient God. Yet He has been nothing but loving toward my picky self. He has tenderly shown me that this is where I belong. He brought us here.

Slowly, I'm learning to trust His sovereignty. And honestly, I would be sad to leave now. God has gifted me with a kaleidoscope of people over the past 8 years. I would have seriously missed out if I'd focused solely on the fitting in part.

Maybe you feel the same way, trying to make peace with where you've been placed or feeling like a misfit. And if you do, I hereby give you permission to let go.

Quit striving to fit in and embrace the freedom to belong...

Somebody may need just the sort of different you'll bring to the table.