Monday, October 24, 2011

{Day 24} Real Marriage Part 1: Am I Really Doing This?

I've swung like a pendulum over how to start this series of posts on "Real Marriage." 

A sane and rational person wouldn't dare write about something as sacred and monumental as marriage without having an armload of thoughtful conclusions and expert advice. 

Apparently I am neither sane nor rational. And I'm definitely not an expert.

I am simply a real girl-turned-woman who met the love of her life and said yes to his proposal 18 years ago and I do 2 years after that. I married for love and I meant it to last forever. I had not a shred of doubt that it would.

Today I am just a real wife who is still married to the love of her life...

But only because of Grace.

I know now that I hadn't a clue about love and marriage, sacrifice and compromise, grace and forgiveness. Neither did he. 

Our story is a beautiful mess. 

And it's only beautiful because it's being redeemed by the One who called us to one another 16 years ago and called us to Himself before the foundations of the Earth. 

So why am I scared half to death to write these posts? After all, everyone loves a good before-and-after story, a tale that was once harrowing but is now happy. 

To be honest, we are still somewhat limping off the battlefield. But instead of battling one another, we're now a united front.  Weary? Yes. Hopeful? Absolutely. Still healing? Very much so. 

And because we're still healing, I entertain competing voices about whether it's wise to even write on this subject. 

There is the good and safe wife on one shoulder telling me that it would be foolish to "go live" with this one. Wait until you can speak from a place of hard-won wisdom and job-well-done-ness, she urges. 

And on the other shoulder I hear the real {and perhaps crazy} wife telling me to speak now. Wait too long and you may lose the rawness and realness that comes from proximity to pain and struggle, she counters. Some hurting soul may need your hope today. Just speak. 

I don't have the brilliance, training, or platform that an expert may bring to the table. 

I only have my story. 

And while I'm not really telling our story in its full trajectory and detail, I can tell you what I'm learning as we journey toward healing together. I can write hope. 

There's a song we've sung in church for years now but its words have become "a calling" of sorts for me recently.

Rise up women of the truth
Stand and sing to broken hearts
Who can know the healing power
Of our awesome King of love

From one broken heart to another, I can tell you this. There is Hope. 


  1. Really enjoying and learning form this series. If you're gonna 'keep it real', marriage is the ultimate...

  2. I am so glad to hear this. So, so glad.

  3. You are so courageous for doing this in spite of your fear.

  4. Thank you for sharing, thank you for being real, thank you being vulnerable. I think it's so important to share our story right now, the beautiful messes and how God is redeeming them. Because sometimes people feel like they are the only ones who are struggling, and your story brings encouragement to their hurting souls. God will use your story to bring others to himself, I just know it!

  5. I too am limping off the battlefield of the war for our marriage - we battled, mostly against each other but somehow God graciously allowed us to end that particular battle fighting as a united front now. But now I almost thing the hardest part is just beginning - the healing and restoration intimidates me but I know Jesus will heal our wounds.

    Your blog series has really given me the kick in the butt I needed to start writing about this - even in the midst of all the schrapnel. Thank you for your courage to be real and I hope you'll follow my journey too on my blog... Blessings!


Share your thoughts?


Blog Widget by LinkWithin