It's over. Summer came and went and was glorious. The heat will persist for a good month or two, but the freedom to flap about like a clothes-lined shirt won't be back for another nine months.
The resurgence of busy has worn me slap out, like jumping from a 5K to a marathon within a week. Even though we homeschool, our days are not typically spent on field trips and nature walks...much as I would like that. We have schedules and obligations much like the rest. Couple that with a little teaching on the side, my first gig in 2 1/ 2 years.
Once an activities addict, I now run from obligation and responsibility as if it will trigger relapse. Never very savvy with taking life "one day at a time," I look at Fall in its entirety and want to make like a bear. Hibernation sounds nice. And quiet.
I'm learning to find quiet in unconventional ways. Quiet is a state of mind. And a gift. More and more I'm caught day-dreaming. More and more stealing scraps of time to run off with book and journal until the tiny, pajama-clad troops come knocking.
Busy-ness is toxic. Manning says, Our controlled frenzy creates the illusion of a well-ordered existence. We move from crisis to crisis, responding to the urgent and neglecting the essential.
I do. Neglect the essential that is. I misplace my identity in the busy. The only good and true me. The one my Father calls Beloved. Desperation drives me toward reassurance.
Moving "from crisis to crisis" looks different for everyone. For me it's spilled milk and a crying toddler; a sad friend and late-night prep work; balancing it all and a too-tight budget; accepting the melancholy and simply responding to the immediate.
He is showing me though, that there is life beyond the busy. A life of calm and peace, elusive though it is on any given day. When my eyes suddenly get wet and my nerves quake, when it is too loud and too much, I beg for stillness and He tells me who I am.
Crises still come like waves upon the shore, but there is peace.
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How do you find still amid the busy?
Scooper,
ReplyDeleteAs odd as this sounds, I plan quiet times on my schedule. Times to reflect, times to just be quiet and listen. He meets me so many times when I just listen for His direction.
I hope this year of teaching at home, teaching at the co-op and learning alongside your children is a year of blessing for all of you.
Ecclesiastes says it best, for there is time for everything.
Peace to you.
AH...off to meditate on this a bit. :) I am beyond busy myself to the nervous tummy point, but it soon will past after I get CC kicked off. :)
ReplyDeleteYou know most often I find most of the time I'm cool with being somewhat peaceful if not all the way there. But lately with all the physical attacks it's been hard. Two more disappointing dr appts this week has left me weak and needy. Needing others to stand in the gap for me. Needing to admit my weakness, my tiredness, my need for my Abba.
ReplyDeleteAdmist all this tho has been the blessing of CC. It's fitting our family perfectly so far. I love not having to plan Tuesdays and be a "helper". I love teaching the same thing to all the kids. And then Language, tho more time consuming it's been easier, I think.
I,too, miss the trip to the beach. The one we didn't take that we meant too. The lake of sun and water and orange sand.
But I'm ready for fall. And the apple orchard and a trip to Hendersonville for the day. And football by the campfire on Saturdays. You'll have to come for that. It's a blast. We leave all the kids outside with the men and sit inside and drink coffee.
Yep.
Fall
I think I'm ready
julie
www.homeschoolblogger.com/juliestew
I love your writing. And your honesty.
ReplyDeleteWishing you some calm.
Love this post. I saw you on Lysa's blog and thought I'd come over and say hi.
ReplyDeleteFor me,I go downstairs to "my space" and read, get on blogs or just get in God's Word. Or all 3. :)
What a wonderful post and one I so needed....I am adding you to my sidebar..... Love your blog....
ReplyDeleteHope you will stop by and visit my new Christmas blog that I launched this week. The button on my regular blog will take you right to it....
http://teresa-grammygirlfriend.blogspot.com/
Have a great week
love reading your blogs-wish I had more time to follow! encouragement for another stay-at-home mom- glad I'm not the only one who feels totally out of control at times!
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