Monday, April 9, 2012

Everyday Grace: Messy Anger



This morning I woke up angry. The sun wasn't even up and I was quietly fuming. And also feeling guilty that I was dealing with anger over something that is, essentially, a triviality. But it felt like an unjust triviality and those situations are just the worst for me. Still, I was surprised by my anger and just as quickly condemning myself for it. 

The house was still asleep and I longed to bask in the quiet, to be encouraged by time in the Word and through prayer. But I had this anger thing going on so my "quiet time" felt fake and insincere. 

My husband came in and I ranted to him about the "trivial injustice" and the subsequent anger I felt. I'm so mad, I told him, but I don't want to pray for grace. I just want to be mad. 

The day had just begun and already this stupid anger had put a fortress around my heart and self-righteous pride was shaking its accusing finger in my face, insinuating that a spiritually mature person wouldn't get so bent out of shape.

In many ways I felt like I had to clean up my emotions and get my mature self together before I could come to God and have a proper moment with Him. I don't actually believe that but functionally, I sometimes live as if I do. Don't you just hate it when real life reveals your true theology? 

My husband's response to my rant was simple: Just give it to Him. He knows.

Instantly, I knew he was right. I didn't need to clean it up or work it through. I just needed to hand it over. There is such healing and release in coming to Jesus just as we are, messy anger and all. After all, He already knows. He created us to feel and to feel deeply. And though sin has marred every bit of creation, emotions included, they are part of our sacred design. 

What are your emotions today? I encourage you to give them to Jesus--your messy anger, your embarrassing jealousy, your stubborn fear. Emotions are strong but His power and presence are stronger. Don't try to plot, figure out, clean up, or resolve in your own strength. Jesus invites you to cast your cares on Him because He cares for you. The stuff that's heavy for us is light for Him. 

He is the One who conquered death and sin for all mankind. Your emotions, ugly though they may be, are no match for His power, love, and beautiful sovereignty. Trust Him to work this out. He uses all things for our good and for His glory, messy anger included. 

Related Scripture


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"Everyday Grace" is a weekly post I've recently begun. It is sort of in the style of a devotional {which is ironic...because I don't typically love devotionals} and a departure from the sort of posts I usually do. It began as a way to record the ways in which God is making the Gospel of Grace "real" to me in everyday ways. This is a way of recording it for myself and sharing with you. 

2 comments:

  1. Courtney VischerApril 9, 2012 at 1:34 PM

    So nice to know other people have those type of days and feelings and thoughts! (sigh of relief)Helps to know you're not alone. :) Miss you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Funny how we want to show our best side to even the One who knows and sees all. It is so liberating to realize that He can and He desires to handle all of our emotions...the good, the bad and the ugly! It would be a blessing to others for you to share your "Everyday Graces" with us. Thank you once again for sharing your very real experiences.

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