A New Kind of Summer

It's my very first summer to have my kids at home from school. When you homeschool, you transition from days spent with your kids to...days spent with your kids. The only thing different is not having schoolwork in the mornings. It's a nice break, to be sure. But the day to day from homeschool to summer break doesn't feel radically different.

But now? Summer feels positively like a holiday. I can't remember being this excited for summer since I was a student myself. I've missed my kids in a good way. We've had enough space from one another to truly desire togetherness. My melancholy, quiet-ish daughter has been all hugs and quality time and chatter. By contrast, my sunshiney, extroverted son is still grieving the end of school but slowly coming around. As for the Cupcake, well, he's delighted to have his big brother and sister around a bit more. There's been a lot of fort-building and lego-creating since school got out.

As for me, I feel more intentional as a parent than I've ever felt. I ache to love them well and I pray for the grace that will enable me to do it. 

This season of transition as a mother has made me terribly emotional. Terribly. I'm just perpetually undone. I cried at the end-of-the-year preschool program, 2nd-grade awards day, and 5th-grade graduation. 

My daughter and I cleaned out her room on Friday and we bagged up {oh my word, I can barely type this}...the Barbies. But that's not all. The American Girl dolls that had been on display were tucked safely in a box at the top of her closet. She's not acting like a teenager yet; she's just not acting as much like a little girl. {The whole process reminding me a bit of boxing up the bows.} I was pretty much a wreck over the packing away. I'm still pretty much a wreck.

It's all going by so quickly and I want to boss time around and make it stand still. But we all know that's not possible. It's hard to make the most of the moments we do have but this season of rest has enabled some soul-searching, healing, and proper prioritization. I'm so thankful for it. And I'll never cease to marvel at how real life re-routes us in ways that feel like failure but are actually grace.

Trust and grace are gradually replacing fear and regret. It's slow but sure and I cling white-knuckled to the newfound hope I've glimpsed as we do life differently.

So here's to a summer of long days, listening, and grabbing up the small gifts wherever they may be found. Here's to lightening bug catching, playing wiffle ball well into the dark and reading good books 'til even later.

Sip slowness, experience rest, and love well. 

May Grace be your guide, and mine, through these lovely, lazy days of summer.